Out To Dinner
My friends and I decide to go to this China Buffet restaurant that everybody in my town has been raving about.
We find a table and head over to the buffet.
Halfway through our meal, this overweight, ugly as sin woman comes up to the table.
Now, I'm eating Chinese food and this is the last thing I want to be seeing.
She begins mumbling at me and finally spits out that she wants my phone number.
Since this fugly **bleep** had the nerve to interrupt my dinner and the conversation I was having with my friends, I wasn't going to let her down easy.
I tell her, "There is no chance in hell you are getting my number. Wait a second, let me put it another way, if you were the last female on earth, I would go gay."
Her eyes begin to water. We watched her go back to her table, grab her plate, and load up on the buffet.
She sits down and starts pigging out. I damn near lost my appetite.
But that's not all.
A minute later, her friend comes charging over to our table.
Now the friend is hot.
She gets in my face and says, "You insensitive prick!"
I said, "No, you just have to lick the bottom of the head."
She goes off on a rant.
"Don't you get smart with me. Your giggling friends here might think you are cute, but I think you are an ugly man. How dare you say those things to her. We get her confidence built up to ask you out and you stomp all over her. She has an eating disorder! She finds comfort in food and now we won't be able to stop her. It's guys like you that just make me sick!"
I respond with, "You are even sexier when you are angry."
She then performs the ultimate "angry at dinner" cliche and throws a glass of water in my face.
As I'm cleaning off my face, I see that angry **bleep** went to the bathroom.
I got up and went over to the fugly bitch.
I whispered in her ear, "Before your friend went off on that little rant, she told me she didn't blame me for turning you down and said she would have sex with me if I allowed her to cause that scene."
The restaurant ended up charging her for two buffet dinners.
We find a table and head over to the buffet.
Halfway through our meal, this overweight, ugly as sin woman comes up to the table.
Now, I'm eating Chinese food and this is the last thing I want to be seeing.
She begins mumbling at me and finally spits out that she wants my phone number.
Since this fugly **bleep** had the nerve to interrupt my dinner and the conversation I was having with my friends, I wasn't going to let her down easy.
I tell her, "There is no chance in hell you are getting my number. Wait a second, let me put it another way, if you were the last female on earth, I would go gay."
Her eyes begin to water. We watched her go back to her table, grab her plate, and load up on the buffet.
She sits down and starts pigging out. I damn near lost my appetite.
But that's not all.
A minute later, her friend comes charging over to our table.
Now the friend is hot.
She gets in my face and says, "You insensitive prick!"
I said, "No, you just have to lick the bottom of the head."
She goes off on a rant.
"Don't you get smart with me. Your giggling friends here might think you are cute, but I think you are an ugly man. How dare you say those things to her. We get her confidence built up to ask you out and you stomp all over her. She has an eating disorder! She finds comfort in food and now we won't be able to stop her. It's guys like you that just make me sick!"
I respond with, "You are even sexier when you are angry."
She then performs the ultimate "angry at dinner" cliche and throws a glass of water in my face.
As I'm cleaning off my face, I see that angry **bleep** went to the bathroom.
I got up and went over to the fugly bitch.
I whispered in her ear, "Before your friend went off on that little rant, she told me she didn't blame me for turning you down and said she would have sex with me if I allowed her to cause that scene."
The restaurant ended up charging her for two buffet dinners.
posted by Virtual Satyr at
9:45 AM
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